


Trash Boat, Trash ... Fuck?

by DoctorLazarus



Category: Regular Show
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:47:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22502752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorLazarus/pseuds/DoctorLazarus
Summary: When Thomas' car gets trashed he's forced to stay at the house with Mordecai and Rigby.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm ignoring the events of "The Real Thomas" for this.  
> Also, for the purposes of this fanfic both Mordecai and Rigby wear clothes.

_Ugh. Working at this park can be so annoying at times._

Thomas groaned and stretched his back. Benson had told him to join Mordecai and Rigby to clean up all the trash, but almost the instant the two found out the goat was helping they had gone off somewhere to procrastinate, leaving him with all the work.

Thomas poked at a piece of paper someone had left lying on the floor, wondering exactly how a place that gets about as many visitors as the Arctic manages to end up with junk all over. Speaking of the Arctic, Thomas frowned and looked up at the flaming fusion ball called the Sun shining down overhead, eyes squinting. There was currently a heatwave and temperatures were soaring, remaining in the nineties almost all this past week. _Being in the Arctic would be lovely right now._

“Alright, that’s it. I can’t stand this anymore.” Thomas muttered to himself, taking off his T-shirt and discarding it on a nearby bench. It really was too hot to be wearing anything, especially if you naturally had fur. Plus, it’s not like working at the park had any sort of dress code, if Muscle Man and his tendency to take his shirt off and go “Whoooooo” was anything to go by. Thomas chastised himself for not thinking of it sooner.

“Hey Thomas. Just thought I’d check up on you. Where are Mordecai and Rigby?”

Hearing the familiar voice, Thomas turned around to greet his boss, his trademark grin on his face. “Hey Benson. Things are going well, although the weather isn’t so good. Mordecai and Rigby told me they were going to get more garbage bags, though I kinda suspect they’re just goofing off.”

“As usual. I suppose I should be getting mad and dragging their sorry asses back here, but you’re right that it’s way too hot and I honestly don’t even feel like doing that. Don’t tell Mr Maellard though.” Benson gave a chuckle. “By the way, I got you this bottle of water, fresh from the fridge. Remember to stay hydrated!” Benson tossed the drink he was holding towards Thomas, who caught it almost casually.

“I will, thanks Benson.” Thomas uncapped the bottle and took a swig, enjoying the refreshing cold that the liquid brought. It made the heat almost worth it.

Almost.

Thomas was about to put the bottle down when another idea hit him. Quickly lifting the bottle over his head he tilted it over and let the water spill out, dousing himself with cold water in the process. Despite the heat, he got a shiver down his spine at the sudden temperature shock.

Okay. _Now_ it was worth it.

Feeling much better after that, Thomas went back to his work, continuing to pick up the discarded bags of chips and cans of beer laying about. All that would make it perfect was perhaps an iPod so he could listen to some music, but too bad it was the 90s and they wouldn’t be invented yet for another decade.

“Hey Thomas, I just thought I’d...woah.” Thomas turned around again to find the familiar sight of a racoon staring back at him.

“Hey Rigby. Planning to finally do your job?”

“Huh? Oh right, the job. Uh, I feel like there’s something more important that demands your attention. Your car’s wrecked.”

“WHAT?” Dropping the trash picker he was using, Thomas quickly followed the mammal to the car park, where he found Mordecai, a sheepish grin on his face. More importantly than Mordecai however, was his car next to him, which was now neatly sliced in half lengthwise. Internally Thomas gave a groan, his good mood having lasted for all of 10 seconds before being ruined.

“What happened?” Thomas looked at the blue jay. As Mordecai was still his superior Thomas avoided looking too annoyed, so instead he opted to go for the classic raised eyebrow.

“Well, as it turns out a buzz saw is really powerful.”

“Why were you doing with a buzz saw? That doesn’t have anything to do with trash picking.”

“You’d be wrong, actually.” Rigby help up a piece of paper, which showed some sort of machine the resembled one of those lawnmowers you sat on. It was an advert for something called the “TrashCleaner 3000”, and it claimed that you simply had to drive over the trash and not only would it automatically pick everything up, it’d also disintegrate it so you didn’t have to do any emptying. “We asked Benson if we could have one, but that jerk told us we were over budget, so we thought we try to make one ourselves instead, but we ran into some issues trying to remove the engine from your car.”

“Okay first, why my car instead of Muscle Man’s or Pops’, and second, you didn’t think to ASK me before touching my car?” The neutral expression Thomas was keeping slipped slightly. Dealing with these two tested anybody’s patience.

“Dude, have you seen Muscle Man’s car? It’s a run-down piece of crud! And Pops’ car could fly. We don’t want to use that in our trash cleaner, what if it results in the thing flying? Everyone would be like, ‘ _Oh no! It’s raining garbage!!! My shirt has soup all over on it!!!1!’_ ” Mordecai mimed trash being dropped everywhere.

“Speaking of shirts, why aren’t you wearing one, Thomas?”

“Because, Rigby. It’s thirty five degrees and it’s not like there’s a dress code.”

“Okay, but, why do you look like you just stepped out of the shower too?”

“I...” Thomas paused. “That’s irrelevant! You two trashed my car! How am I supposed to go home now?”

“Walk?” Mordecai offered.

“I live five miles away, Mordecai.”

“Well, how ‘bout you just ask Benson if you can crash at the house? We don’t mind.”

“Ugh.” Thomas nearly threw his arms up in frustration, but restrained himself.

“Look Thomas, we’ll make it up to you, I promise. How bout we finish up cleaning the park while you go talk to Benson? And we’ll do your chores for the rest of the day, too.”

“Okay, fine. I could really use a break after all of this anyway. But before that I’m gonna see if I can salvage anything from my car.”

Mordecai nodded and headed towards the gates of the park. Thomas turned around to look at the pile of metal that was once his car and gave an annoyed sigh. “Fucking morons.”

“Woah Thomas, I didn’t know you swear.”

“What the-?” Turning his head back around Thomas saw that Rigby hadn’t left. “What are you still doing here?”

“I uh, I...” Rigby seemed at a loss for words.

“Rigby, you’ve been acting weird today. What’s going on?”

The racoon scratched his head. “Look Thomas, there’s no easy way to tell you, so I’ll just say it. Your pants are wet.”

“Huh?” Thomas looked down and realised the problem. When he doused himself with water earlier apparently a good bit of it had soaked his pants, making them semi-transparent – not enough to fully see through, but enough to let everyone see the pair of boxers he was wearing.

Rigby grinned. “I noticed straight away since you know, I come up to about your waist high.”

“And you didn’t tell me until now?” Feeling embarrassed Thomas looked around for some cover but unfortunately the car park was rather empty, so he settled for standing behind his car.

“Well, I would’ve thought you knowing your car was trashed, excuse the pun, was more important. Besides, from me finding you until now the only person we’ve met is Mordecai, and I know he doesn’t pay attention to this sort of thing.”

“Well, I can’t meet Benson like this! Great, and I don’t have anything to change into either, since I can’t head home.” Thomas put his hand to his head, rubbing his temples.

“Ah, don’t worry. You and Mordecai are about the same size – uh, I mean build, not the other thing – so you can just head to our room and borrow a pair from him.”

Thomas only shook his head as a response and started towards the house, Rigby following after him. Thankfully the park remained deserted as ever, so Thomas didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing him (or his boxers). Again, Thomas wondered where all the trash came from in a park that no one visits.

The two of them reached the house and climbed up the stairs to reach the door that lead to Mordecai and Rigby’s room. Fumbling a bit with the keys Rigby unlocked and entered, holding the door open for Thomas to walk through before closing it again. Thomas headed over to the wardrobe and slid it open, revealing a pile of clothes lying on the closet floor.

“Haven’t you heard of coat hangars?”

“Too much of a bother.”

Thomas grabbed a pair of pants at random and was about to take his own pair off before remembering Rigby was standing behind him. Turning around to face Rigby he held them up assuming the racoon would understand and leave, but Rigby only stared back blankly. Eventually the goat gave up and just snapped, “Would you give me some privacy?”

“Huh? Oh, right. Sorry, Mordecai and I usually just change in front of each other.” The procyon turned his back, and Thomas proceeded to remove his legwear and put the pair he was holding on. The pants he’d selected was a pair of jeans, although after struggling to get his leg through the hole they ended up being so tight Thomas wondered whether they were really an improvement over the wet khakis. He considered rummaging for another pair, but no doubt Mordecai went for the skinniest fits possible so they wouldn’t fall off his bony legs and his other clothes were probably as equally constrictive so Thomas just headed out the door to Benson’s office.

Benson was doing some paperwork, but he looked up when Thomas came in. “Hey Thomas. What’s up?”

“Well, Mordecai and Rigby trashed my car, so I was wondering if I could stay here until I manage to get it fixed.”

“They did WHAT?” Benson gave a groan. “Why did I ever hire those two? You can stay Thomas, but just note that we don’t have any spare beds so you’re going to have to sleep on the couch.”

“That’s fine.”

“Also, tell Mordecai and Rigby that their wages for the next two months are suspended to pay for your car, and if they have a problem with that they can go complain to me. Or more ideally, they can go yell at the sky so I don’t have to hear any of it.”

“Oh, okay. Cool. Thanks Benson!” With that, Thomas headed back to Mordecai and Rigby’s room where he found the racoon sitting on his trampoline bed. “Well? How’d it go?”

“Benson said yes.”

“Ooooooooyeaaaahh!”

“He also said you’re not getting your salary for the next two months to pay for fixing my car.”

“Aw what? That stupid gumball machine!” Rigby flopped down on his bed, annoyed.

“Well maybe if you hadn’t cut my car in half Benson wouldn’t need to dock your wages.”

“I told you, we were building a trash machine!” Rigby snapped.

“Yeah, and look how that turned out. Honestly though, I feel that with all the time you wasted trying to build one you could’ve just picked up all the trash manually ages ago. Talk about taking an hour to save a minute.” Thomas grabbed his discarded khakis from the floor. “Now if you don’t mind, it’s getting late. I’m going to take a shower.”

Crossing the hallway to the door on the opposite side led Thomas to the bathroom. Removing his (well, Mordecai’s) jeans after much struggling due to how tight-fitting they were, Thomas stepped into the shower and turned it on, again letting the cold water wash over him. After working at the park all day and then having to deal with his car being totalled, this was the first time Thomas got some minutes to himself to finally relax, take a break, and forget about all his troubles, and the goat savoured it. Grabbing a towel from the rack next to him Thomas dried off and put on his khakis, taking some relief at having some breathing room again. The khakis were still wet, but Thomas decided it was still the better option over the jeans. All he had to do was avoid everyone until they dried.

Opening the door to the bathroom Thomas headed downstairs to the kitchen and rummaged about in the fridge to see what there was to eat. Sadly, it was sorely lacking in anything and Thomas settled for a loaf of bread from the cabinet instead. The clock read 6 pm but due to it being summer the sun was still shining brightly.

Grabbing the TV remote Thomas flicked through a bunch of channels, not really out of a desire to watch anything but just looking for something to do. One of the channels was playing an advert for car insurance, reminding Thomas that he still had to get his car fixed, if it was even possible to repair a car that was perfectly bisected. Idly the goat checked his phone. No messages.

“Ugh.” Too early to sleep, but too late to do go out since everything would be closed. Thomas debated popping over to the college library to check out some books, but his student ID was back at his house which he still couldn’t get to. Looking around for something to occupy himself with Thomas noticed the video game system lying on the table, which caused him to roll his eyes. Mordecai and Rigby were always playing with that thing; if only it was a few decades later so they could actually make a living off of it. The goat gave a small smile imagining seeing the blue jay and racoon on YouTube in 20 years’ time.

Still, there wasn’t much else to do, so Thomas fired up the system and picked one of the games at random to play. It was an adventure game and true to that era it was brutally difficult, leading Thomas to lose track of time as he struggled not to get slaughtered by enemies or because bad controls caused him to walk his character off a cliff. Also true to that era there wasn’t a pause or save function, so Thomas was determined to beat the entire thing in one sitting.

Hours passed, but eventually Thomas managed to reach the end and save the princess. The ending cutscene played, and Thomas took the liberty to stretch after having stayed in one position for too long. Glancing over at the clock, Thomas saw that it now read 10 pm. It was still a bit early for Thomas’ liking – he usually slept around midnight – but the events of the day coupled with a session of gaming led to him feeling much tired, so he opted to call it a day and lie down on the couch, eventually drifting off.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hot. Way too hot._

Rigby got up from his trampoline, sweat dripping from his face. The house had no air conditioning and even though all the windows were wide open it still felt like he was standing in the middle of a rainforest. Looking over at his sleeping friend Rigby frowned seeing Mordecai sleeping peacefully. The blue jay had come into the room at about seven, plonked himself on the bed and went unconscious almost immediately, apparently pooped out from trash-cleaning. Rigby, who in comparison was just goofing off all day remained energetic, which was now backfiring on him causing insomnia.

Rigby headed downstairs to grab a cold something from the fridge, leaving the lights off thanks to his perfect nocturnal vision. Reaching the living room he heard a strange noise and pondered for a few seconds what it was until he remembered Thomas was staying with them; turned out he was a bit of a loud snorer. Walking around to the front of the couch Rigby was greeted by a sight that made him stop dead in his tracks.

Rigby wasn’t gay. At least, not entirely. But when you come up to waist high compared to a lot of people, it’s kind of like the universe itself is asking you to check people out. And looking at Thomas now, Rigby couldn’t help but admire the erection that the goat was sprouting. Ever since high school Rigby had gotten more than his fair share of eye candy, so he could say with pretty big confidence that the sleeping figure in front of him had the biggest he’d seen.

It also wasn’t like Rigby was intentionally perving on him. The goat almost always wore loose-fitting clothes, so ever since he started working here Rigby had wondered – purely out of curiosity, to see how he compared to everyone else – what he had. The wet khakis earlier today were the closest the racoon got to knowing and he thought that was the furthest it would go, but now…

Lost in his thoughts, it took a second for Rigby to realise he’d started to reach out and he pulled his arm back like he’d been burned. There was a part of his mind that told him _no way, he can’t be that big. He’s probably just wearing a_ _cup or something_ _,_ and apparently his subconscious wanted to check. Confirm that the monster that lay in front of him was indeed real.

Thomas groaned and shifted a bit in his sleep. Rigby had been staring at the goat for a full minute now, but try as he might he couldn’t look away. As much as he willed himself to stop being a creep and just go get that drink he wanted before going back to sleep, his legs remained firmly planted in place. The racoon concluded that if he didn’t do this the question would haunt him for the rest of his life, so with a sigh and telling himself that it wouldn’t hurt for just _one_ little touch, Rigby reached out and laid his paw on the goat’s bulge.

It’s real. Oh so real, and oh so thick. Even though Rigby was planning to only gave it a small pat, actually having it in his grasp was another story, and he couldn’t help but give it a few rubs, fascinated by the way it twitched gently. A part of him wanted to take off the goat’s boxers and touch it directly, but Rigby managed to restrain himself. This was already pretty risky, not to mention highly inappropriate, behaviour, and there was no way he was going to explain himself if Thomas…

“Uhm...Rigby? What are you doing?”

 _Shit._ Looking over Rigby saw that Thomas was awake, and the racoon cursed himself for having thrown caution to the wind.

“I think you’re dreaming.” Rigby said lamely.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not.” Thomas sat up and crossed his arms, and it was at this moment Rigby realised he didn’t know the goat very well at all. His normally bubbly personality made Rigby imagine he was one of those Pollyanna guys, but now the procyon found that Thomas was most definitely capable of being upset too. Worse, it wasn’t the type of upset that Benson always gets into where he yells at you but you know it’s going to be OK because his bark is worse than his bite, it was the type of upset that Rigby had only ever recalled one other time in his life: when Mordecai discovered he had forged his college acceptance letter. It reminded Rigby of the clichéd, yet accurate, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed”.

And perhaps it was this reminder that made Rigby decide to tell the truth for once instead of trying to lie his way out of this.

“I’m sorry,” The racoon said, “I just wanted to know if it was real.”

The goat gave a sigh. “Ugh, why does everybody ask that? Yes, it’s real.”

“Excuse me, what?” Rigby wasn’t sure he heard the first part correctly.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Believe it or not, you’re not the first one to want to know. In high school pretty much everyone who saw me in the locker rooms asked if it was really that big. Though usually people ask before verifying.”

“I’m sorry.” The racoon apologised again.

Thomas patted the couch, which Rigby took as invitation to sit down next to him. Apparently that wasn’t quite his intention though, for Thomas picked up the little guy and placed him between his legs, causing Rigby to give a squeak at how forward this was getting.

Thomas grabbed the hem of his boxers and gave them a little snap. “Well, go on. You were in the middle of something?”

“I er, I...” Rigby wasn’t expecting any of this. He thought Thomas was going to be really mad and best case scenario Rigby bought him lots of beer as apology gifts, or worse case scenario he got fired and end up on a sex offenders list. Looking up at the goat Thomas only gave a small encouraging smile in response.

“How are you so... _casual_ with all of this?”

The goat shrugged. “As I’ve said, lotsa people over the years wanted to touch it. I did say no the first few times, but I’ve come to realise I’m basically turning down free handjobs. It’s a win-win, you know?”

Tentatively, the racoon reached out and started to touch the penis that was presented to him. It started off with a few touches, but after looking up and only getting more encouragement Rigby’s inhibitions melted away and he started to really explore in earnest, enjoying the way the dick felt in his paws.

Thomas reached down and traced the opening at the front. “Come on, don’t be shy. Take it out and play with it, Rigby.”

The racoon only nodded in response and reached his paws into Thomas’ boxers, and – oh fuck – his digits coming into contact with warm flesh. Slowly, delicately, Rigby slowly took the dick out of its boxers. Wrapping a paw around the shaft as much as he could Rigby started to give it a few experimental strokes, which rewarded Rigby with a bit of pre leaking out from the top. Trying to be discreet – he didn’t think Thomas would mind or care if anything of the past 10 minutes was anything to go by, but he wasn’t going to act like a total slut just because – Rigby took a few whiffs. Thomas smelled good. Intoxicating.

“God...”

Paws continued jerking the thick rod laid in front of him, the thing throbbing and telling Rigby it was enjoying the attention it was receiving. Rigby was more than happy to give it more of what it wanted and began stroking faster, working on it probably the hardest he’d worked on anything his entire life, until with little warning spurts of semen started shooting out from the top, thick ropes of it coming up and back down again, most of it landing on Rigby.

Thomas sighed as he rode out his orgasm. Meanwhile, the racoon was trying to shake the liquid off of him, but Thomas reached out and grabbed him, hugging him closely. Rigby tried not to think of the fact that this had the effect of smearing cum all over his back.

“Thanks, Rigby; that was a good one. I needed that.”

“Shouldn’t we wash ourselves off?”

“Don’t you want me to return the favour first?” With that, Thomas reached out and traced his finger along Rigby’s own erection like the racoon had done not too long ago. Again Rigby was not expecting Thomas to be so forward and gave another squeak. The sudden intimate touch was almost too much for Rigby and he almost came right there and then, but he managed to hold back.

Like before Thomas reached into the front of the undies Rigby was wearing and took the racoon’s dick out. A hand wrapped around Rigby’s erection, slowly jerking it off and expertly worked on his own manhood, kneading it expertly in ways that Rigby never imagined.

Thomas alternated between stroking and twisting and rubbing Rigby’s tip, sometimes using his entire hand and sometimes using only one finger to tease along his length. Slickened with pre, the room was filled with small squelching sounds as the goat worked his magic. As much as Rigby willed himself not to cum so that this could last longer, the assault on him was too much to bear and he quickly came with a cry, covering himself with yet more fluid; this time his own.

The two of them stayed silent for a while, trying to catch their breath, neither of them really sure what to say. It was Rigby who eventually spoke.

“Thomas...did we just...?”

“You bet we did.” Thomas hugged the racoon a little closer.

All sorts of thoughts were going through Rigby. It had all happened so fast, and Rigby was confused over what it meant for him, his relationship with Thomas, and his sexuality. He was pretty sure he wasn’t into guys, but on the other hand Rigby wanted this to happen again so bad. Even just thinking about it caused the racoon to stiffen in his pants again.

As if the goat could hear his thoughts, Thomas gave a laugh and ruffled the racoon’s fur. “Don’t let a single experience define you.”

Hearing that made Rigby feel a bit better. “So does this mean we’re free to do it again?”

“Well...” Thomas gave a mischievous grin. “I’d say if it ends up with my cock down your throat that definitely constitutes being gay.”

“Asshole.” Rigby punched Thomas playfully.

“Going up your asshole would be even more gay.”

“Double asshole.”


End file.
